i miss fucking up.

i miss forgiveness.
i miss fucking up followed by forgiveness.
i miss kind eyes.
i miss the weave of your arms & mine.
i miss feeling saved.
i miss feeling safe.
i miss that feeling.
the feeling of a second baptism.
no oil or water.
just bare bones & bare skin.
okay, maybe a little wetness
but nothing out the ordinary.
& i'm so confused.
because there was so much happiness between my thighs.
& my heart felt so light.
even you on top of me
couldn't weigh me down.
you measured every inch of me.
with your fingertips.
that's bliss.
clumsy, clumsy sex.
the best yet.
thank you.
& i know you worry about my fertility.
but i'd like to think of my veins
as roots.
& i've got thin skin
so my roots aren't hard to see.
blue, sometimes purple.
unoxidized blood.
unoxidized thoughts, inventions, & words.
life is burdensome but not full of burdens.
i know i'm a burden to some.
some not being you.
& you being apart of me.
you accept me.
every vein.
every inch.
every dry patch of skin on my bare body.
thank you.