i've been here before & why: number 4.

& i'm telling you the same things i told him. not in a deceitful way but i am telling you the same things. i've never loved anyone the way i love you. & even though i told him the same things, there was always that pinch of doubt in the nape of my neck. there was something about him i could not trust. & that was because -- of course -- he did not deserve my trust. he didn't even deserve to earn it.

needless to say, i've had some pretty interesting conversations with our court side viewers. most of them the few young men i talk to occasionally. they're all a terrible bore but to be honest: their stupidity makes me laugh.

& just for the record: this is me thinking i'm hot shit.

anyway, i get a kick out of people doubting me. i get an even bigger kick out of people doubting our relationship. those nasty little leeches who question our sincerity, our purity. devils in disguise. those certain few who can't stand to hear me say: yeah, he's it for me.

& no one knows for sure. no one knows how long this could last. not really. not me, or him, or them -- no one. but love, the most fragile of feelings can turn a man into a giant. it can make the weakest the strongest, the quiet the loudest, the apathetic the most convicted.

& i have my convictions.
& i'm going to stand by them.
& him.

so come at me with an opposing view.
we can sit & have a nice, long chat about it :).

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because you make me laugh. i mean you can really make me laugh to the point where i might piss my pants. i know i call you a cornball, a dork, yadda yadda yadda but that's one of the more pertinent reasons why i love you. you make me laugh.