i'm still having trouble.

understanding why i am expected to be comfortable when two different yet equally important people in my life are discussing my choices, my friendships, etc. what would benefit another from talking to a third party about the direction of MY LIFE? if anyone knows where my life is headed -- it's me! & it's hard not to go insane when so many people around you already think you're some sort of loose cannon lacking aim. i have no problem with people being concerned about me. anyone would love that. but sometimes (surprise!) i just don't feel like talking about every little thing that is bothering me or ailing me at the moment. sometimes (surprise!) i tell people things to simply dispose of thoughts or negative ideas. sometimes -- believe it or not -- i don't want any advice! & as i'm sitting on my bed, typing this blog from my phone i think i can safely say i never (okay, rarely) ever pressured you into a conversation either of you didn't want to have. & i think i deserve the same fucking respect.

if you two are coming to each other to discover things about me,
you're shit out of luck.
i love costumes & masks.
i can be anyone i want.
at any moment of any day.
because even i don't know who i am.
& guess what -- i'll lie through my teeth
& agree with what the other one told you
before i tell anyone what i really think :).