i don't even know what to write about anymore. sometimes i feel like it's wayyyy it's easier to be self-destructive and self-abusive and blah blah blah. it's so much easier to just get in my car & leave school then stay for the whole four hours. i'm wondering what my purpose is. what the purpose of any of this is. i guess i should be asking God. i'm pretty sure i recited the first four lines of The Serenity Prayer at least a hundred times this week. it helped. i've started praying to St. Jude. he's the patron saint of lost causes, you know. i don't know where i'm headed. sure, it's easy to say: "well, you're in school to get a degree". but .. after that? then what? all i can really do is what i've been doing & hope for the best.
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things i cannot change;
courage to change the things i can;
& the wisdom to know the difference

living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if i surrender to His Will;
that i may be reasonably happy in this life
& supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.