i just feel really, really tired. i'm tired of: astrology, palm reading, voodoo, ancient remedies, fictitious characters/literature. i want reality. yes, i said it. i want reality. i want to understand. i don't want blind faith. i don't want to have to turn to alcohol or drugs to reach some sort of extreme level of self-awareness. i want to be made aware with who i am & where i am at this very moment. i want spirituality. i'd like to connect with God. i want to connect with nature. even the most microscopic organisms on this planet contribute to our well being. organisms and animals we as humans are unable to communicate with. so why can't i -- a living, breathing, intelligent young woman -- figure "it" all out? is there some vital spark within me that i lack? and if this vital spark exists, can i obtain it at any moment or is there a rite of passage? today, i'm worried about the future. tonight, i have no idea where i'm going or what i'm doing. i feel like the bullet stuck in the barrel of a gun. maybe i'm just a blank.
help me.
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